So this is my daughter – my only living daughter, and she has, does, and will continue to fill my life with light and wonder for as long as God allows but I have to say something awful is coming up very soon and I think I may just have a MELTDOWN when it happens.
You see, this past November, Emileen turned 5. Most of you parents of older children are having the ah-ha moment now. This summer is officially my last one of have two, toddlers. Coming up this August she will join the world in – I don’t even want to type it – K I N D E R G A R T E N. To say that I am not prepared for this transition is putting it mildly. Like calling an earthquake a splinter. I just don’t really know what I am going to do!
Now, many of you have experience in this area, and can sympathize with my plight and I appreciate that there is wisdom out there from you wonderful mothers who have been as miserable as I am at this moment. I don’t really find myself to be an extremely sentimental person, but this is one stage that I am just completely unprepared for.
My sole experience with children is with toddlers. My entire life I have babysat toddlers, over 20 years of experience. I don’t know the first thing about taking care of anyone over age five though. So not only am I about to say goodbye to my sweet babies infant days, I am embarking on a new adventure completely.
So, if there has ever been a moment in my life that I wanted to stop the clock – it is now. I am terrified of this change and even though I know that the next step in our family journey is sure to be a blast, living with someone as epic as I am that goes without saying, but I am just not ready to let go of this stage yet. This child I see holding her new love is my 4 pound little bundle. She needed me for EVERYTHING. I have invested 24/7 in her for the past five years and I am scared to let someone else take that from me. Of what impact society is going to have on her.
So my next few months is going to be spent one day at a time, really investing these last moments as I have them so I can truly remember this precious child’s final toddler days. I know now why I was blessed with two living children though, having Nicolas here when Em goes to her first day will really take the edge off of this experience. I am such a lucky mom!